Dear XYZ,

As Y’s delivery date draws closer, it means that my mom is about to come stay with us. She has kindly agreed to coming to live with us for two months to help tide us through the challenges of having a new child. We’re very grateful, at the same time I think there are some nerves about her coming.

It has been a while since we lived altogether, so there’s probably some getting used to that. Beyond that, I think something that I’m slightly concerned about is that my mom is Catholic, very Catholic. Over time, I’ve found myself drifting away from the faith that I was raised in. That is a story that probably deserves an entry of its own, so I won’t go into detail here.

So yes… what should I do now that I no longer believe and practice the faith that my mother holds so dear to her heart? And more specifically, how do I navigate conversations on faith, belief and religion now that Y is coming into the picture? It makes complete sense, if you’re in a proselytizing religion like Catholicism, that you’ll want your grandson to be baptized into your faith, so that he can have salvation, and that hopefully someday, can join you in the eternity of afterlife. I would think that, if you truly believed in that, you’d do whatever you can to ensure the redemption of those whom you love.

There many ways to deal with this, but I want to come from a place of love and understanding, wherever possible. So here’s how I’ll approach it, if my mom asks me whether we’ll be baptizing Y and the reasons for our choice.

Mom, I thank you for bringing me up in this faith, it has helped me a lot in my times of need, especially during my teenage years. It gave me a lot of comfort and guidance. However, the truth is that I no longer believe in God, and especially in the Christian sense that there is a Heavenly Father who is listening to your prayers. It would be disingenuous for me to baptize Y and pretend that I’m a Catholic. Not lying is one of the commandments and pretending to be someone I’m not amounts to lying to my child about what I believe. I will bring Y up to be a good person, to care for their fellow person, to be centered in their own beliefs, but I don’t think that requires being in an organized religion. I respect your devotion to your faith and I know how much it means to you, but I hope you understand where I’m coming from. If, one day, Y decides that he wants to be a Catholic, I’m not going to stop him from doing so, but that’s his choice to make, not mine. I want him to find his own way; I don’t want to decide what he should believe in for him.

It’s likely that things won’t go exactly in the manner I’ve described, so this is more of a rough guide. I do look forward to spending time together with my mom and cherishing the moments together with her. I know that she’s excited about the little one coming. I’m hoping that I can help foster an atmosphere of joy, celebration, and ease.

Happy birthday mom, thank you for bringing me onto this planet, even though there were many difficulties then. Thank you for everything that you’ve done for me. I will do my best to raise Y with the same care and attention that you nurtured me with. I’ll try to do it in a way that’s true to me, in a similar manner that you did. I love you, mom ❤️

xoxo,
K